Real Ultimate Guide For Best Unsuccess Of Your CRM Project

Welcome fellow business owner on starting your journey on the path of best unsuccess when it comes to your CRM digitization project. Writing about success is boring, so we're providing your with all the ways you can ensure total catastrophe of your project, sanity and budget.

Don't like parody? Perhaps our digitization guide and tips is more up your alley, but if you like a chuckle, keep reading.

Our unhelpful hints contain all the essential recommendations of how to add some spice to your data project. And by spice we mean a total fail.

Personality First

Personality First

Unsuccess says strut into your kick-off meeting late, avoid setting goals, tell everyone how they should do things, how long it should take and contradict everyone. Like ninjas, those who know how to get stuff done will try to sabotage you with "questions" - be ready.

Our recommendation, set unrealistic expectations to confuse everyone then go do a workout at the gym.


Undermine your project through technology. Great unsuccess. No matter the end goal, demand your team use some technology you saw mentioned on tiktok. Risk management and assessments? Get lost!

Disaster recovery plan? Don't need one, your niece advised you computers never fail and she should know because she plays Minecraft all the time.

Our recommendation, Wordpress is an unsecure blog software which is perfect unsuccess for an enterprise level data platform which is proned to hacking.

Expert Help and Best Practices

Expert Help and Best Practices

There is always someone who will try to make your project a success. Use our foolproof identification checklist to identify them:

1. They make statements like "I would like to clarify"
2. They drive a Toyota
3. Even worse, they drive a bicycle

To ensure unsuccess you need to flip out and put a lid on these people.

Our recommendation, always contradict the "facts" these people present with opinions. Much frustration and much unsuccess!

Sail Without Direction

“You don't command wind in the direction it blows, but you command a ship in the direction it sails.”

Wrong! To achieve unsuccess sail in whichever direction the wind blows.

Our recommendation, some people will try and "plan" your project - what's their problem? Shine them on by saying you practice Agile and going in circles is part of the process.

Sail Without Direction
Everything has to Change, Nothing can Change

Everything has to Change, Nothing can Change

Ensuring that nothing can change is not only an ingredient for unsuccess, it is THE essential ingredient. It allows you to stay in the past while telling everyone how innovative you are at your next cocktail party.

Our recommendation, create opportunities for unsuccess through this simple question "it's worked in the past, so why change?".

Do-It-Yourself (DIY)

Spending time on a DIY database project instead of focusing on what you do best leads to great unsuccess. You'll save lots of money by not hiring an expensive "expert" and that's OK because your income will fall too.


Do-It-Yourself (DIY)
The cost effective database developer

The cost effective database developer

Nothing like a side-hustle "developer" who is around, sometimes, and is a subject matter expert, somewhat. A developer who asks questions and explains things sounds expensive.

Save money now, so that you increase your odds of having to do your CRM a second time.

Our recommendation, nothing says unsuccess like a developer who suggests hosting all your data on their server, which is located in their basement.

What the hell did I just read?! Right!

Our unhelpful hints above are real pitfalls of projects we have witnessed.

Talking about success is easy. And easy conversations are usually found in a sales process, because the end goal is to get you to sign and give a deposit. This also leads to tunnel vision, because the conversation from the beginning is only about success.

But the gold is in difficult conversations. Those strip away ego, power, hierarchy and pride from your project leaving objectives and goals to work towards. Difficult conversations open up the peripheral vision of where things can go wrong, and enabling you to adjust and adapt when they do while keeping focus on your goals.

Being unaware of the situations detailed within this guide can cause delays, project creep or outright failure of the entire project. Being ready for them, gives your project a much better chance of getting to the finish line. Best of all, these are a few common sense items.

Feel like you could use a little bit of guidance with your CRM or database project? We offer a one hour commitment-free consultation.

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